Meet Carol Grever

  • Carol Grever has been a successful businesswoman and English professor. From personal experience, she's authored two books and produced a documentary on straight spouse recovery. A recognized spokesperson on straight spouse issues, she's appeared on major network TV shows, including "The Oprah Winfrey Show" and "Good Morning America." You can read more about Carol here.

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December 12, 2016


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I wish I had known this 20 years ago when I experienced Thanksgiving and Christmas far removed from our 29 years of Family Traditions with three sons (and then their families, too) in California. I believe "Time" truly does help "heal" our wounds, but not time without our conscious efforts to accept what we cannot change. When feelings of sadness “strike” you, decide how long you want to be in that frame of mind and then take action to do something in a different manner. We all have choices and chances to decide how to change things for the better. Above all, whether male or female, remember that straight spouses are no longer alone. We are here for each other. Reach out, risk, and be renewed in your efforts to be you!

Hi Carol,

I just found your blog a few days ago and have already read many posts. I found out on Nov 20 that my husband of 31 years was cheating on me with men found on gay websites and on Nov 30, I found out he was in love with one of those men. He left that night and my life changed overnight. Our dreams for the future evaporated and all the memories of our life together became suspect. I could not stop thinking about him with other men and focusing on the lies and deception of the past years. Your posts full of hope and forgiveness are giving me the courage to face my future and I've ordered your book to help me cope with what is ahead of me. I don't want to live life with a heart full of hate and your blog is showing me that I don't have to. It's in me to make a better future for myself and I will try my best to do so. Thank you so much for this blog. I know I will come back to it again and again.

Louella, I appreciate your following my blog, particularly since you are an "experienced" straight spouse and author of a book about your own journey, "Silent Sagas: Unsung Sorrows." Your comments are always helpful and very welcome here.
Carol Grever

Thank you, thank you, Carol...... for taking time to post blogs. How I wish I had seen these caring, meaningful, excellent comments (yours and from the Mayo Clinic)"before" --especially that first Christmas after my husband and I separated and then divorced in 1994. That summer I had moved from CA to NE (my home state where I had wonderful parents - elderly - and lots of in-law relatives, who still loved me). I purposefully decided not to return to CA that first Christmas (my sons were grown and two oldest were married) because I knew our "traditions" could never be the same and it was time for all of us to make new ones. It worked (but not without pain and conscious effort)! In 1994, I had a 6PM Christmas dinner with church friends, known for 30 years; but from early morning on Christmas Day I worked at Walgreen's Store until 5PM. Already I was changing "traditions." Yet even now I remember that first Christmas Eve when I attended worship on the NE Wesleyan Univ. (where I was a sorority housemom). When a soloist sang, "O Holy Night" I thought my heart would break even further! Could that be even possible? My husband was a soloist and sang that song on Christmas Eve throughout our 29 years of marriage. Tears streamed down my face like they had never done before! In retrospect, it was sort of a cleansing moment... and guided me to a Comfort and Source of Strength much higher than any friends/family could possibly have done. I had survived and through time, prayer, and patience (taking every day with an open attitude of gratefulness for all I had) I eventually moved on. Others can, too.... we're all here for each other!

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  • Carol Grever's books and documentary DVD inform and empower straight spouses and their families.  Click on any cover image to learn more.

    Award Winning
    Documentary DVD

Radio Interview