Meet Carol Grever

  • Carol Grever has been a successful businesswoman and English professor. From personal experience, she's authored two books and produced a documentary on straight spouse recovery. A recognized spokesperson on straight spouse issues, she's appeared on major network TV shows, including "The Oprah Winfrey Show" and "Good Morning America." You can read more about Carol here.

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August 29, 2014


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Jackie, thanks so much for this detailed comment. I certainly agree that there is enough pain to go around on all sides of these situations. You state the straight spouse's challenges so well here. The fact is that when a married gay comes out, EVERYTHING​ changes and EVERYONE suffers. That's why I think it's important to try to understand the view and dilemma that each spouse carries. I empathize completely with your losses, which are all too familiar. I hope things are getting better for you!

Best wishes,
Carol Grever

Thanks for sharing this title. My gay ex-husband and I were very Baptist at the time we were married, so I can definitely relate to your comments about religious pressure. I feel torn. On the one hand, I think it's good for men like Neal to share their experiences and for straight spouses to understand what their gay spouses were thinking. On the other hand, cultural pressures don't excuse the awful costs of these divorces. I'm sorry that my ex-husband was afraid to come out. I'm even sorrier that I've had to move my children out of their current school district because I can't afford to keep my home. I'm also sorry that I lost my health insurance because he didn't have the courage to stand in his truth.

I have a cousin who is gay and grew up in the same religious culture that I did. When a heterosexual woman proposed to him, he told her that he knew he was gay and didn't think it would be right to marry her because he couldn't be the partner she needed. Would that my ex-husband had demonstrated the same kind of integrity! My ex-husband's experience should be honored by books like this, but so should the price that we straight spouses pay.

As with all of your insightful written posts here, Carol, my thanks to you are sincere and very heartfelt.

Hearing of this book, The Marrying Kind, is wonderful. I look forward to securing a copy. Although it has been exactly 20 years now since my first husband and I separated/
divorced and I have picked up the pieces of my life (was single for nine years and married again 11 years ago), it still periodically crosses my mind as to "why" men marry if they sense they are gay/bisexual. The most obvious question to me is "how" could someone (either male or female) possibly love a spouse and their children only to "tear the family apart" at a later time (even when their children are grown)?

I believe it will be all the more informative to read a book with the male's perspective. So thank you for letting us know of such, Carol, and thank you to Charles Neal for taking time to write a book on this subject.

I believe the more we can know about each other as persons and not as "labels" -- then the more we all find further growth and discovery about ourselves as well. Being open and honest plays a major part in relating to each other with kind and caring ways -- thus bringing about peace, comfort, contentment, purpose, empathy,and even forgiveness.

Thankfully, with the assistance of Straight Spouse Network and persons who share therein, we no longer feel "alone" in our journeys.

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  • Carol Grever's books and documentary DVD inform and empower straight spouses and their families.  Click on any cover image to learn more.

    Award Winning
    Documentary DVD

Radio Interview