“It’s driving me crazy that my
husband won’t own up to the truth that he’s gay!”
“I’m
certain that my wife is lesbian, but she won’t admit it.”
Comments like these are common on this site and reflect the straight spouse’s dilemma when a gay partner remains in denial of his or her true sexual orientation. Resulting ambivalence traps everyone in greater uncertainty. What is the next step? How can they move forward toward an acceptable resolution? They are both truly stuck. Lacking clear answers, both partners often retreat back into the closet and face their individual pain in isolation.
The purpose of this Web log is to provide a safe outlet for these isolated people to voice their questions and their answers--to communicate anonymously with each other to share personal experiences. Visitors to the site discover that their mixed-orientation marriages are not unique. It helps to know they are not alone. While each family’s situation is slightly different, there are common experiences that can be shared and we learn from each other.
Despite its
effectiveness, there are limitations to this kind of virtual friendship. It isn’t as personal or spontaneous as genuine
face-to-face conversation. That’s why
finding a trusted confidant or counselor is so important, and why the peer
support groups of the Straight Spouse Network work so well.
The pioneer of the Straight Spouse Network, Amity Pierce Buxton, is now semi-retired from the organization she founded in 1986, but she still writes as an advocate for this cause. She recently published an Op-Ed piece commenting on Outrage, a documentary condemning the hypocrisy of gay politicians who hide their sexual identity while vigorously supporting anti-gay measures. (Amity’s article was reproduced online by The Avocate at www.theadvocate.com . The direct link is http://t.pm0.net/s/c?r.cp14.13.8w8r.3lxf .) Her main point is that the destructive traps created by gay-straight marriages would disappear if homosexual people were accepted by society. If there were no need to hide one’s sexual orientation, secrecy would be unnecessary and the dark closets occupied by mixed-orientation couples would vanish.
Until that broad social acceptance becomes a reality, I will offer resources for men and women still trapped in the closet, those suffering the pain of separation from a gay mate, and those recovering from the complex effects of their straight spouse experience. As long as it’s clear there’s a felt need, this blog will remain online. For further related information, books, and videos, also visit my Web site at http://www.carolgrever.com/html/books.php .
Welcome to this safe place to share
your story.
