Watching Our Language

    When I wrote a publicity description for One Gay, One Straight: Complicated Marriages, my documentary showing straight spouses telling their own stories, I inadvertently included a phrase that some found offensive.  I called the DVD "The first documentary revealing the pain and confusion of marriages mired in the secrecy of a homosexual closet." 
    At the first screening, one psychologist in the audience took issue with that use of homosexual.  While I had used the term only to include both gay men and lesbians in mixed-orientation marriages, she pointed out that my usage was dated and offensive. She indicated that homosexual now is relegated to medical contexts.  That was news to me!
    Language is a living thing, changing constantly, and connotations around socially sensitive subjects are especially ephemeral.  That's why I was relieved to discover on the Internet a current stylebook on LGBT terminology by the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association, a Washington based writers' organization.  It clarified the woman's criticism of my documentary publicity piece and revealed other fine and useful nuances. 
    The stylebook's clear definitions would be valuable to anyone interested in this subject.  For example, I learned that the term transvestite, one who wears clothing associated with the opposite sex, is now considered "crude and old-fashioned."  The preferred term today is cross-dresser and is differentiated from transgender.  Relevant to current news, a clear distinction was also made among civil union, commitment ceremony, domestic partnership, and same-sex marriage.  Even the decades-old designation GLBT (acronym for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender) has been supplanted by LGBT.  Ladies first? 
    I believe that these changing linguistic distinctions are important to more than writers and speakers in this field.  If we hope to reach out to each other, across the divides that exist between LGBT and straight, we need to be informed about these sensitivities.  Words wound and cause more distance between social factions when they are used with ignorance or malice.  Mutual acceptance begins with clear communication, unencumbered by negative connotation.
    I recommend the NLGJA's excellent stylebook, not only for political correctness, but for the larger goal of mutual understanding.  Visit <http://www.nlgja.org/resources/stylebook_english.html> to learn more.

 

Comments

[Roger]

Interesting post. I knew nothing of the nuances of this language until my wife informed me she is in her words, gay. She hates the term lesbian.

I find your comments that words can hurt true but actions are far more damaging. Her betrayal and using me as an 'experiment' for 20 years to play happy families is far more damaging than being called a lesbian or homosexual. Frankly the term is not the issue and all these words are just that, a rose by any other name still smells the same, according to Shakespeare.

How we act and respond are the issues. I will not describe her as a lesbian and we still love each other but the damage is done and it is her that has done it by lying to herself and thereby ruining three lives, mine and the kids who are devastated and don't even know of her being gay. That will be a further shock they don't need.

Talk about a tough gig.....

love to you and thanks for listening

RP

[Carol Grever]

RP, I heartily agree with you that "how we act and respond are the issues." When we're in the throes of post-discovery shock, the enormity of our pain overshadows fine distinctions of language. Still, one facet of our response to the new knowledge is how we speak of it. Once words are spoken, they can't be called back. That's why it is wise to choose our words carefully. They are more powerful than the proverbial "sticks and stones." This is particularly important in the way you communicate with your children about the changes that are happening in your family. (See the post "What Can I Say to My Kids?")

I send heartfelt wishes for your best outcome.
Carol Grever