Meet Carol Grever

  • Carol Grever has been a successful businesswoman and English professor. From personal experience, she's authored two books and produced a documentary on straight spouse recovery. A recognized spokesperson on straight spouse issues, she's appeared on major network TV shows, including "The Oprah Winfrey Show" and "Good Morning America." You can read more about Carol here.

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May 19, 2008


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This is in response to Christine's question, "When will I stop hurting?" There's no pat answer because so much depends upon individual circumstances. The best advice I can give is to read through relevant articles on this site (especially "Hope On the Horizon" Nov. 30, 2010). Check the Straight Spouse Network site for more resources, and find a confidante to share your pain--a relative, counselor, pastor, or friend. It really helps to talk through your feelings. Though it seems the ordeal is endless, it really is not. It is definitely a turning point for most of us and is a life-changing event, but with determination and effort, it can actually have a positive outcome with new personal discoveries as a reward. Best wishes as you work through your own process to find that happy ending.

Thanks for making me feel like I have others out there experiencing the same things. I found evidence on our shared computer after 35 yrs of marriage. I have been devastated, hurt, angry and sad. It has been over a year since I made him leave and I am still not over it. I hurt and I hurt for my children who he has not seen since Christmas 2009 and my grandchildren who no longer see their grandfather. I guess he just can't handle telling them but of course, they already know. When will I stop hurting?

Judy, I'm often asked this question because we all wonder if happiness will ever be possible again when we're in the midst of crisis. My short answer is yes! I remarried four years after my divorce from Jim and am enjoying life with my husband, a retired professor who was a friend for years through business connections. There was a period of adjustment for me because I had to learn to trust all over again. When I was triggered by some old experience and over-reacted, it took patience on my husband's part to remind me that he "isn't Jim." It takes time to heal and to open our hearts to another mate, but the reward is worth the effort. There is hope for future happiness!
Carol Grever

Dear Carol,
Do you now have a loving, trusting relationship with another man?

It is fantastic to see you blog about an issue that has such broad ramifications for all involved. It is good to know you are putting out a compassionate, healing message for people who may be hurting and trying to readjust, forgive, and rebuild. Kudos to you!

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  • Carol Grever's books and documentary DVD inform and empower straight spouses and their families.  Click on any cover image to learn more.

    Award Winning
    Documentary DVD

Radio Interview